#6

She wrote a story
'They'll never be proud of me'
It ends mid-sentence

#5

A few days ago I attended a wedding. I usually just go there, engage in some insincere pleasantries, stuff my face with biryani, down at least two bottles of Pepsi and go home while rubbing my happy tummy. But no, this time I took a little detour and it lead me straight into hell. Or somewhere just as close, really. Unknowingly, I had ended up at an all-aunty table and once there I gradually started to get a peek into the Pakistani rishta/shaadi culture. I learned a few things while I was there and I shall list them down for you in no particular order.

1. It's all about the zip code. Is your son living in Amrika, London or Australia? You need to put that shit right on top of his rishta CV. In bold. Because everybody knows that a cabbie living in Dallas has much better street cred than a businessman working in Karachi.

2. Girls need to become doctors but they shouldn't actually be doctors. I'm sure all of you know what I'm talking about here. Doctor bahus are so in demand and you'd think that that was a good thing. That we were evolving as a society. All of that would've been true if the fine print on the contract wouldn't have said shaadi ke baad kaam nahin karaygi.

3. If a girl is 25 and unwed it's time to start biting your nails, mom and dad. Soon enough she'll be 26 and if she isn't hitched by then I'm guessing she'll either grow another head or get ebola because the way people will run away from her is insane. Her parents are trying to get her out of the house and everyone else just wants to keep her out of theirs. I think it' safe to say that if an unwed girl hits 26 she should either be planning her wedding or her funeral because she's as good as dead in the rishta world.

4. Americans think Vogue covers and Victoria's Secret models put unrealistic pressures on beauty? They definitely haven't met the real aunties of pakistan. That could actually be an amazing idea for a reality show. Step aside, Kim K. But seriously, the way they examine girls is very similar to the sort of behaviour I've witnessed when people are buying goats. Iski naak terhi hai, kad bohot chota hai, umar ziada lagrahi hai, iska rang itna kaala kyun hai, koi achay rang wala dikhayen. Sigh.

On a completely unrelated note I also noticed how some girls take this shaadi business way too seriously. She spends hours at the parlours, years at the market and decades at the darzi's.
On Wednesdays, we wear haldi.

- Mahrukh M.

#4

When I was in the second grade the world was my oyster. I didn't know what responsibilities were and didn't understand why people paid taxes. I took everything as it came, never making any judgements or conclusions. Just like any other kid I didn't think the stuff I did meant anything. Didn't think that someday I'd be looking back at it and finding some earth shattering revelation hidden amongst the daily doings of a five year old. That a game of hopscotch could mean more than just a good time and the occasional sprained ankle. 
When I was in the second grade I was confident. Hell, I was borderline cocky. I'd walk up to the stage right before the morning announcements began and feel on top of the world. Why? Because I was. You see my world was confined to the boundaries set by the people who built the school which my parents chose for me. And I still felt as free as the black man did when Martin Luther stepped on stage and said 'I have a dream' because I didn't know what freedom was and yet I was still sure that I had it. I had a reckless imagination that had no limits no intentions of shutting up. If our heads were proportional in size to the amount of nonsense we had going on inside them they would've had to name a continent after me. I was that kid.
When I was in the second grade I was the kid that never shut up about all the things that she wanted to do someday and all the diseases she wanted to cure regardless of whether people were listening. I wanted to rid people of pain and suffering like I was the painkiller that God had administered to the entire human population. I wanted to be ingested into bodies and seep into organs plucking at the heartstrings which make people fall in love and feel wonderful about themselves. I wanted to be something good in a world that I had never seen anything bad in. I guess you could say I was a good kid but I was also naive. I lived in a very small world which began from the steps of my house and ended right at the corner of my school where I could see birds in the cages that the school had set up for us and talk to them about how good it feels to be free. I was clueless.
When I was in the second grade I took part in a lot of races. I was the tallest in my class and took pride in standing at the back of the line with all the boys because I knew that it meant that my legs were a little longer and my chances of winning those races a little less slimmer. In one of those races we were given a spoon with a marble on it and we had to put it in our mouths and take it across the track without dropping the marble. I think it's safe to say that I was the reigning champion because during every single practice run I took that spoon in my mouth and dashed across like the soles of my feet were on fire. When it came to the actual race I walked on to the starting marker and I remember my friends holding red pom poms on the sidelines and cheering for our house not because they wanted to but because the teachers needed to give them something to do. Back then I saw them as my own little league of cheerleaders who were ready to break out into a synchronised dance performance in honour of my glory. At the whistle I ran and I kept going because this cocky little kid knew she had this in the bag but right at the end I began to slow down and the little boy with the longer legs managed to catch up to me. He kept pushing and I kept holding back getting slower which each step that he took because well, I didn't want to push any harder. Or at least I thought. I came in second place and that was still a victory because I told myself that I let the boy have it. That if I wanted to I could've hit nitros oxide on my white trainers and beamed into a different dimension. That could've won if I wanted to. And it was my little secret.
When I was in the second grade I didn't think I'd be doing anything significant because I thought only adults did things that mattered and I'd need to grow up before I could do anything cool enough to warrant an analysis. Well, I was wrong because I'm about to tell you about the most important lesson that I've learned in a long, long while.
When I was in the second grade I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn't be good enough and I was scared to find out my full potential because maybe it just wasn't enough and maybe some other kid had longer legs or bigger dreams. I had a fear of failure that managed to drive me into a state of unconscious paralysis where I began to misconstruct the graph of my progress. I drew a line in the sand and that line was ten feet away from where it needed to be because it was the fear I needed to get over. I wish I could go back and rub that line off with my foot and drag myself into the water because if you don't know how to swim you shouldn't be standing on the shore and drawing lines in the sand telling yourself how far you can go. You need to be in the water as deep as you can go so you can almost drown and realize that if you don't want that to happen there is only one thing you can do about it. Just learn to frikkin' swim. To this day I don't know how to swim because I never felt the need to learn. Because I still draw lines in the sand which dictate how far I can go and how hard I can try. But these lines don't mean anything because they're just me putting my insecurities into a little jar and labeling it 'My Potential' even though it isn't. I keep that jar safe inside my closet where nobody can see it so they'll never know what I can accomplish. It's the little secret that I'd been keeping from the entire world because the only thing worse than breaking a jar is breaking it in front of a bunch of people.
When I was in the second grade I could've pushed a little harder but I didn't. I regret it because what's the point of running if you don't run until you feel like your lungs are on fire and your legs are about to give way?

What's the point of running at all?

- Mahrukh M.

#3

Sometimes I wish I could gather all the happy thoughts I've ever had, put them in a cookie jar and take just a whiff when things get too overwhelming.

#2

Hi. Things haven't been going too well and I like to tell myself that it's because growing up is difficult and that the transition from teen to ty is just designed to be the point where you realize how utterly unaware you are. But that would be a lie. I've seen people, my friends, who have handled the transition. People who have already embarked upon the journey to not-being-a-kid-anymore-sville and I'm still here, without a ticket. Or a clue.
The worst part of all of it is probably that, even though it definitely isn't so, it feels like you're the only idiot that's in this fix. Kids who seemed like they were going nowhere, kids with worse grades than yours and kids who hadn't decided or thought about these things either. You see a few Facebook posts or hear about them from a friend and realize that even they managed to walk in a certain direction. I could've done the same too. Just applied to a university for absolutely any course and hey, who knows, maybe I would've loved it there. The reason I didn't go for it was because I hadn't found my 'calling'. And as stupid as that sounds I'm still going for it. I'm currently striving for something that might cost me a year but ultimately seems like the right decision. Trust me when I say a gap year ISN'T as glamorous as they make it out to be in the movies. No travelling or exciting adventures. It's stressful, uncertain, frustrating and seeing all of your classmates be one step ahead of you really starts to take a toll on your nerves. So, for the love of all that is pure and holy on this God forsaken planet, get your shit together before you start wearing big boy pants. Okay, maybe you can take a few more years to figure things out but don't do what I did. Don't prolong something that needs to be done right at the time when you need to decide what subjects you want to opt for. Do a little boring research, take a few bogus online career quizzes, talk to people about it and most importantly, get off your overconfident, self-assured butt and work hard. Get to know your potential and start navigating through a wide, twisted maze that'll only get narrower and less complicated as you continue on over the years until finally you're exactly where you wanted to be. Or somewhere just as good.
See, the cool thing about having your shit together is that when high school is over you get to watch the chaos that unfolds when kids like me realize that there are no grades left to be promoted to. How do I know anything about having my shit together? I don't. But that's okay because I don't know a lot of things right now.

Like this awesome story about 'Tokyo, China' that I've reeeeally wanted to find out about for a while now........

#1

Introductions have never been my strong suit but I guess it's standard procedure so I'll just go along with it. I'll try to keep this rant free. I'm a 19 year old avid nail biter who isn't having the greatest luck these days. Mostly because of my above average aspirations and below average intelligence. Oops? As far as first impressions go I've honestly heard it all. Some have told me I come across as arrogant and others say I'm too hyperactive for anyone's liking. I guess it depends entirely on the environment you meet me in. Meet me during a bus ride, car ride or a journey in general and you'd probably never want to talk to me again. I don't know if it's just me or if it's just rude but there is nothing more annoying than trying to hold a conversation with someone with your earphones on. Okay, there are probably much more annoying things but I'm sure you'll probably hear me say 'there is nothing more annoying than' at least once in every post I make if I continue to do this. So, earphones. The fact that anyone would continue with their jibber jabber despite the fact that I did not remove my earphones to listen to them is beyond me. My ear sockets would've immediately been vacant if I planned on listening to you and hence engage in a stimulating conversation about that thing that I have absolutely no interest in. Most of the time I just nod and smile hoping that no questions have been asked and that it's just a never-ending monologue and surprisingly sometimes it really is. There's just something about looking outside during a car ride with a mood appropriate song playing on your earphones and directing a little music video for it in your head. I'm sure some people would much rather enjoy the company of other human beings during this period and jam out together to that same song on the stereo in the car but nope, the little recluse inside me refuses to indulge in such social behavior. Loud music actually manages to make my 'there is nothing more annoying than' list. I just don't see how assaulting your eardrums and uncontrollable flailing could manage to be a fun thing but I'll talk about that in excruciating detail some other day. Well, so much for this being an introduction as opposed to a rant. At least now you know what to expect from me. Welcome.

Mahrukh M.