#5

A few days ago I attended a wedding. I usually just go there, engage in some insincere pleasantries, stuff my face with biryani, down at least two bottles of Pepsi and go home while rubbing my happy tummy. But no, this time I took a little detour and it lead me straight into hell. Or somewhere just as close, really. Unknowingly, I had ended up at an all-aunty table and once there I gradually started to get a peek into the Pakistani rishta/shaadi culture. I learned a few things while I was there and I shall list them down for you in no particular order.

1. It's all about the zip code. Is your son living in Amrika, London or Australia? You need to put that shit right on top of his rishta CV. In bold. Because everybody knows that a cabbie living in Dallas has much better street cred than a businessman working in Karachi.

2. Girls need to become doctors but they shouldn't actually be doctors. I'm sure all of you know what I'm talking about here. Doctor bahus are so in demand and you'd think that that was a good thing. That we were evolving as a society. All of that would've been true if the fine print on the contract wouldn't have said shaadi ke baad kaam nahin karaygi.

3. If a girl is 25 and unwed it's time to start biting your nails, mom and dad. Soon enough she'll be 26 and if she isn't hitched by then I'm guessing she'll either grow another head or get ebola because the way people will run away from her is insane. Her parents are trying to get her out of the house and everyone else just wants to keep her out of theirs. I think it' safe to say that if an unwed girl hits 26 she should either be planning her wedding or her funeral because she's as good as dead in the rishta world.

4. Americans think Vogue covers and Victoria's Secret models put unrealistic pressures on beauty? They definitely haven't met the real aunties of pakistan. That could actually be an amazing idea for a reality show. Step aside, Kim K. But seriously, the way they examine girls is very similar to the sort of behaviour I've witnessed when people are buying goats. Iski naak terhi hai, kad bohot chota hai, umar ziada lagrahi hai, iska rang itna kaala kyun hai, koi achay rang wala dikhayen. Sigh.

On a completely unrelated note I also noticed how some girls take this shaadi business way too seriously. She spends hours at the parlours, years at the market and decades at the darzi's.
On Wednesdays, we wear haldi.

- Mahrukh M.